Tired and ConFused

Saturday, July 13, 2013

3rd Day of ramadan

   In a youtube documentary on ramadan a woman said she rereads the whole Q'uran every year within the thirty day period. Hearing that I was reminded that I always wanted to read the Q'uran. Since I was 12 actually I had somewhat an interest in Islam. The Q'uran being a stable of my interest. At one point I made my mom buy me a couple. I read three pages, carried it around for a week in my back pack then it disappeared....Well it got water damaged one winter. Like most of my teenage interests it feel by the wayside.

   This ramadan season I am going to read the WHOLE Q'uran in Thirty days. Online I found an amazing daily plan as well as a website that reads the Arabic then the English. For those of you who do not know- Arabic is Beautiful. Beautiful with a Capital B that rhymes with C that stands for Cool. My eyes tear up now every time I think of that language.

   Entering ramadan this year life has been hard for me. Hard for the choices that I have willingly made as well as for all the "Curve balls" that are tossed upon an individual. Waking up to the Q'uran being read fills me with such life that it drives all the crap out of my head. Going to bed having the Q'uran read to me is even better. As I snuggle with my blankets I hear calm waves on inspiration float me off to sleep.

   Inspiration that still can't get up at four am. I am beginning to wonder if my heart is really into this whole fasting business. It was after ten and I was still downing water. Then I entered work and it got worse. Free Breakfast Sandwiches. Free!!! I had two and a Pan du Chocolat, with Strawberry Jelly. And a cup of coffee. Today Suhoor was way after sun rise.

   During the day I was strong. Felt proud maybe because I made excuses why I am just not getting organized enough for Suhoor. Then I was faced with reality. The youngest and bright eyed busser at my job came up to me when I was leaving. He said in his cute accent of some foreign country, "Lucas I heard you broke fast." My heart sank. I responded, "Yes." On an aside to the story, at work a lot of the younger bussers look up to me. So when I heard the tone it was painful. Then I went on to explain what happened and how I am struggling with getting up in time for Suhoor. He really didn't care that I broke fast, which was good cause at first I thought he was gonna cry the way he said it. Instead he was just excited that I could of been a fellow Muslim. In the end he finished, "Well are you gonna become one." I commented maybe.

   Friday's Iftar meal was amazing. Dates, candied pears, sauteed garlic and red onions with chicken and rice. Plus a ton of water. I went to bed with the biggest taste of the Itis I have ever had.

reading schedule

quranexplorer

2nd Suhoor

   2nd Suhoor :[ sad face

   My apologies to the Islamic faith, the sun is shining and I am still downing my protein shake. So today the fasting did not start on the right food----again. Approaching ramadan I thought it would be hard to not eat throughout the day. That apparently is the easy part. A little dip in energy around 3pm...not so bad. What came as a complete shock was that I had to wake up before dawn, before five, and eat then. Well also smoke my bowl. Waking up before dawn kind of sucks, it sucks a lot. An challenge I must face and rise above to enjoy my ramadan month.

During the Day:
   My heart feels heavy I broke fast during my break today. I was not even hungry- just needed something to do. Worse part, besides disappointing God and myself, I did it next to the jerk at work. Of course he couldn't contain himself and keep his opinions to himself. Needless to say some choice, not so appropriate words were said to him after my shit. I.E: "Dude shut the fuck up and mind your own spiritual business."

2nd Iftar:

   My first Iftar, the meal after fasting, was lonely. I was by myself in my Kitchen right before bed. On my 2nd Iftar I got to spend time with my favorite womyn in the world, THE SEXCAMAIDS!!!! This F'en Fantastic group is a dance marching band based in Brooklyn. This past June I was lucky enough to join them for the Coney Island Mermaid Parade. It was our reunion minus half the group didn't reun with the rest of us. As soon as the Sun set I had some Apple Juice and simply enjoyed the view before shawsaying to the subway.

Links about 2013 ramadan season:

Huffington Post

In the News in Connecticut

The Independent UK

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

1st Suhoor

The night before my first Suhoor meal my bedtime was Nine at night. Am I that organized in life to get such and such amount of sleep before I wake up before sunrise. UMMM-No.....Well not last night. I was simply dog tired. The day was long three doctors appointments, a staff party and very very hot July Weather in NYC. Needless to say I didn't fall asleep I more or less crashed onto my bed.

Then the nightly restlessness occurred sometime around mid-night. Waking up with my sunburnt face pulsating and fiscal woes throbbing my head. As the case lately a productive day followed by an awful night. Some how in my exhaustion I was mindful enough to set an alarm for before Sunrise. My first Suhoor was not to be missed, probably not enjoyable or "correct" in any way, but practice nonetheless.

At four the alarm went off. BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ. Like a teenager I pressed snooze-Snooze-SNOOZE- finally waking up with a Argghhh.....Suhoor!!! Not the most friendly way mentally to invite a new into ones life I thought. As graceful and coherent as possible I pulsated three magic bullet smoothies. Each time wishing that I was cooking more traditional food. Somehow protein shakes for Suhoor felt weird, if not disrespectful, however I did ask and was told they were fine for a meal.

Thus Ramand has entered my life. One of my Inspirations for observing Ramand